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:iconfightrchik:

~fightrchik

im a bitch deal with it
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i'm stupid

Fri Sep 5, 2008, 7:53 PM
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: idk
  • Reading: the blue girl
  • Watching: the computer screen
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing
yes i said it i'm a fucking idiot and i cant do simple algebra

i hate myself and i hate who i am

now most of you may be asking why

well i'll tell you

i am only here to exist and no matter how hard i try i cant make people happy

but i try so hard to make them happpy that i hurt myself in the process

and right now i cant eat anything i havent been able to eat for almost a week now

i cant digest food

if i eat i puke it back up and hour later

my medication makes me into a zomby
and i hate it
but the only reason i like to take it is cause i am actually trying to get good grades right now and all i can do when i'm on those meds is focus

i'm slowly pushing a hell of alot of people away right now and the one person i really like i'm trying to push away but he wont go away

and as awesome as that is it is really hard for me to trust people

especially guys

and i may be driving away someone that might actually make me ahappy and god forbid that happen

hence the title

11 Comments

Devious Comments

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:iconri-hawkeye:
~Ri-Hawkeye Sep 5, 2008, 8:49:00 PM
Hey, cheer up, I HATE it when my friends are like this. Never think negativity to yourself 'cause that will just hurt you even more. Don't push people away 'cause there may be a chance that they can help and keep you company. You don't have to listen to me, but at least cheer up for me^_^

--
Zanpaktou? Zanpaktou?...RENJI!!!!
:iconcheaster:
~Cheaster Sep 5, 2008, 9:05:30 PM
Hey, don't put yourself down. I'm going through some difficulty myself. Hopefully things will turn out for the best. ;)

--
"No matter how hard you try, because in the end, it doesen't even matter."

"Kameko will always be in my heart"
:iconfightrchik:
~fightrchik Sep 6, 2008, 7:26:26 PM
how can i not it is all true i have been being told i'm an idiot by my parents for years and i cant handle shit anymore i have pannic attacts left and right and i have no where to turn and vent right now

--
DEATH WALKES AMONG THE LIVING,
LIFE WALKES AMONG THE DEAD.

and one that my dad says

"hey is for horses aren't you glad your a jack ass"
lol
:iconfightrchik:
~fightrchik Sep 6, 2008, 7:27:18 PM
i cant help it

but i will try

i cant guarentee anything

--
DEATH WALKES AMONG THE LIVING,
LIFE WALKES AMONG THE DEAD.

and one that my dad says

"hey is for horses aren't you glad your a jack ass"
lol
:iconri-hawkeye:
~Ri-Hawkeye Sep 6, 2008, 7:39:13 PM
OKay, at least you're trying^_^

--
Zanpaktou? Zanpaktou?...RENJI!!!!
:iconcheaster:
~Cheaster Sep 14, 2008, 12:11:02 PM
We all have problems some we can fix some we can't I hope things will improve for you soon. :hug:

--
"No matter how hard you try, because in the end, it doesen't even matter."

"Kameko will always be in my heart"
:iconfightrchik:
~fightrchik Sep 14, 2008, 4:34:33 PM
i hope so too. infact last night i actually went to a cancert with my meantor and i made some new friends. and i was so happy about that. but while i was there i kinda tried to ignore my clostrophobia and i couldnt. and i almost had a panic attack. kyle noticed and i was really embarrassed cause he had to help me out of the situation. and on top of that i also had really really bad back pain. and he noticed that too. so basically in my attempts to hide it i made things a hell of alot worse for myself in my head.

he has gone through the panic attacks and stuff but it is so weird going through it myself you know and it is reall scary for me. panic attacks hurt me alot and i lose controle of myself so often that i have panic attacks all the time at least 6 a week. probably the only time i feel in controle even a little is when i am doing poi or crying.

i try to be an escapist. but i cant runn long enough to get anywhere. and this school year is so hard for me that i just want ot say "I QUIT SCREW THIS I'LL STAY IN TECH" but i cant.

i dont know what i'm going to do and i feel like no one can help me. cause i have screwed myself over so bad.

(sorry needed to vent)

--
DEATH WALKES AMONG THE LIVING,
LIFE WALKES AMONG THE DEAD.

and one that my dad says

"hey is for horses aren't you glad your a jack ass"
lol
:iconcheaster:
~Cheaster Sep 16, 2008, 4:41:00 PM
Wow, I kinda feel the same way. :(

--
"No matter how hard you try, because in the end, it doesen't even matter."

"Kameko will always be in my heart"
:iconfightrchik:
~fightrchik Sep 21, 2008, 2:55:14 PM
really in what way

--
DEATH WALKES AMONG THE LIVING,
LIFE WALKES AMONG THE DEAD.

and one that my dad says

"hey is for horses aren't you glad your a jack ass"
lol
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